The loss of a loved one to death and the accompanying grief is one of the most intense naturally unnatural, complex experience we face in our humanity. Whether the source of grief is death, loss of a relationship, or job, financial instability, loss of health, a home to fire, a pet, a child leaving home, we are all affected and sometimes flattened by what we will call the “grief event” – the occurrence that brought about the grief. We will use this term so that we don’t attribute any type of negative connotations to grief itself as it is a necessary part of the healing process as we move towards cognitive equilibrium. Dr. Earl Grollman, a pioneer in the field of crisis intervention, said: “Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” Dr. Earl Grollman
What is Grief?
Grief is a natural intense emotional, physical and psychological reaction and response to distress and suffering due to loss. Just as each human fingerprint is unique grief is individualized and nuanced for each person. Many factors can influence the way a person grieves, factors such as age, gender, personality, culture, how the grief event will change your life. An anonymous writer understood the complexity and captured it with the following words:
We don’t know how we will grieve until we grieve.
It is important to acknowledge and sit with, not stifle your undeniable feelings, all of them. Give yourself permission to feel the whole scope, range, depth, the ugly and the delight of emotions without self-judgement. Reach out to trusted friends and family or groups where you can feel safe and share on your own timetable and on your terms. Remove the burden of a deadline for your healing and prioritize your health which involves staying physically active, getting enough rest, eating well which are demanding tasks even when one is stable.
When Food Becomes A Coping Tool
The Grief Event and subsequent healing can disrupt our appetite and our eating patterns which in turn leads to emotional or stress eating. This can create a cycle of using food that is often high-fat and sugar laden, comfort foods, as a way to soothe painful emotions.
Grief can divert much of our emotional and mental resources to the healing so that we have low energy and limited brain power. If we do not have a strong system or schedule of planning, purchasing, preparing and eating our food, it can lead to turning to fast food, take out, and buying what’s convenient at the supermarket. Undereating, appetite loss, irregular meals – all these factors can compound and lead to energy depletion and heightened emotional distress.
The Grief Event and the subsequent upheaval can upend the entirety of our life. Since grief is a process and journey as we reorganize and rebuild our minds and lives, we can systematically navigate through all the facets of our life to come to a place of healing and functionality. Let’s take one important aspect of the rebuild and sort matters out using the blocks and principles of Behavioral Nutrition.
What is Behavioral Nutrition?
Behavioral Nutrition is an emergent field that blends psychology, nutrition, neuroscience and behavioral science to explain why we eat and drink the way we do. It explores and analyses how habits, emotions, decision-making patterns and even our surroundings influence our eating and drinking behaviors. Behavioral Nutrition seeks to understand why, when, and how people make food-related decisions, especially under stress, fatigue, or social pressure. Emphasis is placed on strategy as opposed to mere willpower when making food and drink decisions, anticipating challenges and managing triggers. It also involves understanding ones’ food history, and error correction in building a sustainable and enjoyable life while promoting healthier eating decisions and practices over time.
Sometimes eating is not about food; it’s about what is eating you. And with a grief event, we may revert to old negative eating habits and comfortable unhealthy patterns that we may have defaulted to in the past. Mood eaters want an immediate change in their feelings. That’s why it’s about snacking, not real food, and what’s easiest to get into your mouth. The same people eat the same food at the same place, at the same time of day, under the same mood, with the same people, in the same situations, with the same quantifies, for the same reason. If something is totally predictable, it can be controlled with strategy. Do not allow the grief event to cause reverting to old habits.
The best way to end mood eating is not on a psychiatrist couch, but in the supermarket. If you know you have a tendency to eat when you are upset or distressed, don’t buy the snacks you habitually abuse when you are stressed and don’t bring them into the house. When friends and family ask how they can help or if they want to bring something, usually food, give clear direction as to what you want or need. Specify something that does not sabotage your efforts.
Negative Habits That Can Develop With Grief
- Emotional binging on comfort foods as a distraction.
- Neglecting meals, skipping nutrition due to low energy or disinterest.
- Using food as emotional regulation, leading to guilt or shame afterward.
- Increased alcohol or caffeine intake—though not strictly food, they’re linked to nutrition behaviors.
- Sedentary routines—less movement can compound emotional distress and disrupt metabolic balance.
Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward gently shifting behaviors toward more nourishing strategies.
Strategy Triumphs Over Willpower
Emotional & Lifestyle Strategies
- Name your emotions—Write them down or reflect on them without judgment.
- Build a support circle—Share memories, emotions, or silence with trusted people.
- Find expressive outlets—Journaling, drawing, music, or memory projects like scrapbooks.
- Practice mindfulness or gentle movement—Meditation, walks in nature, or mindful breathing.
- Honor your grief in your own way—Rituals like lighting a candle, writing a letter, or planting something symbolic can help.
- Choose activities to deal with stress – taking a warm bath or shower, say a favorite prayer, stretching and exercising.
Behavioral Nutrition Strategies
- Write out what you will eat for the day in advance.
- Stick to simple, nourishing meals: Think balanced meals—whole grains, vegetables, lean proteins, fruits. Even small, regular portions matter.
- Mindful eating: Slow down, breathe before eating, notice flavors and textures, eat with awareness rather than distraction.
- Build gentle routines: Start with light breakfast or a snack—oatmeal, fruit slices, yogurt. Small habits build momentum.
- Use food to nourish (not numb): Choose foods that support energy and mood – foods such as omega-3 rich fish, leafy greens, nuts, seeds, berries, and legumes.
- Hydrate intentionally: Grief can pull us away from self-care; keep water or herbal teas visible and accessible.
- Plan which snacks you will eat
- Seek professional help if needed: Registered dietitians, therapists, or grief counselors can support both emotional and nutritional aspects. Call my office if you need grief counseling.
Grief changes shape but it never ends. It barrels in like a tsunami or it may manifest itself as a gentle wave, or a violent whirlpool. It can be turbulent, or it can be a breeze. Grief is a powerful, deeply personal experience that touches all areas of our lives – how we eat, move, feel and heal. It is a complex, multi-layered event and as with all complex situations that we face, it’s good to break it into parts, set small goals, and take it one patient step at a time.
Today we focused on an important part of healing – our diet and behavioral nutrition. Individually and as supporting friends and family let us acknowledge the emotional weight and understand how it can manifest itself in many different ways, in this case disrupted nutrition habits. Whether you are providing support to someone grieving or walking that path yourself, remember to offer compassion: You are not alone; grief is a universal experience shared by all, experienced uniquely by one. Grief is a marathon, not a sprint and small steps are great wins. A sip of tea, a glass of water, a big sigh, a shared memory, awakening in the morning – these are truly significant. Experience the power of the pause and be patient with yourself. Reach out whenever the journey feels too heavy to bear alone.
Dr. Stephen Gullo offers personalized grief counseling—a compassionate space where you can process loss, understand your emotions, and rebuild daily routines with healthier strategies for both mind and body.
If you are struggling with loss and its impact on your well-being, take the first step toward healing.
📞 Call Dr. Gullo’s office today to schedule a private consultation for grief counseling.
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Because healing begins with understanding and support, you can move forward one gentle step at a time.